"I'm sorry" Part Two

You know what? I take my apology back. You don't deserve it. You know why? This is your fault. You knew all along. You swine. This is all a big game to you. Hmph. I don't know why I'm even playing. I'm sure there's some fancy-schmancy Freudian explanation for my borderline psychotic behaviour, but I just don't want to see it right now. Until I decide to say "fuck off" to you, it's your fault.

"I'm sorry"

I'm sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't get attached. I promised myself I would not get emotional. I told myself not to expect anything, but I did, and now I'm hurting. I'm not taking the blame, or avoiding the issue, but maybe I shouldn't have expected so much, and for that, I apologise.

Do you even care?

"Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday"

Sorrow

I want to sob. Bawl. Howl. Cry out of pain, frustration and the death of dreams. The loss of innocence and faith. I want to cry because my eyes have been opened. I don't like what I'm seeing. I cry for the loss of my childhood. I cry because I see my life, with all its twists and kinks, and I want more and less at the same time. I want to sob, but I have no choice but to move on. Pick up the pieces of my fragile, broken heart and walk on, with head held high. No one need know my pain, because there is nothing anyone can do about it. I see my life and understand it now with blinding clarity. It hurts me, but until I learn to deal with my demons by myself, I will walk alone.

Bitch Part Two

So I'm a bitch. Big deal. You know what? I'm fine. I pretty much know what I'm getting into. I can handle it. If I can't, then that's my problem yeah? Yeesh. The only reason I was so confused was because people kept assuming there was more than there is to the situation, and in the process ended up confusing me. So now, I'll just do what I want, because I want to, and it's my decision, and I feel like it. There.

Bitch

I'm a bitch. I love to bitch. I'm good at being a bitch and bitching. So shoot me. What's wrong with having a little fun, huh? Besides, there's far worse. Point being, I can't deal with unnecessary moralistic bullshit. I'll allow my conscience to preach to me, thank you very much. Sheesh. Bad enough that I have to deal with my own morals and guilt. Why is my life so complicated? Actually, the question is, why do I make my life so complicated. Divine intervention, hello? Signs from the universe? Something?

Twisted

Life really does have a twisted sense of humour. It dangles that prize in front of you and takes it away before you can think. Or spikes it with poison. It's so unfair. Then you're left there wondering what the bloody hell to do. Usually, what you ought to do is the polar opposite of what you want to do. See? Twisted twisted twisted. Just give me what I want for once! Is that so bad, having what you want?Oh, and then, if you decide to take what you want anyway, when you know you shouldn't, there's that annoying little voice of reason going, "This is wrong. You shouldn't be doing this" and the like. Gahhh!!!